Why Am I So Stupid

Posted by on September 15, 2015

I have to write this store about how my sense of humor gets me in trouble. When I was in school I was the most bashful person in my class. I was always afraid to speak or even smile. Now I’m always looking for opening lines to start a conversation.

Now I’m at the local Hen House. This is the name I give to a small coffee and sandwich place near me. It is owned by a lady and there are five hens for every rooster. I walk in and two ladies ask if I need a seat at the bar. They move over and I sit beside them. We start the conversation and now they are laughing at my jokes. Oops! Now I mess it up with my sarcastic humor. The bar lady comes in front of us and hangs a key on a hook. My comment now is “Wow! You do that very good. You would make an excellent hooker.” Now all the hen cackling turns into hen squawking. Now this rooster is in big trouble.

The next day I go to the local McDonald’s to join the ROMEOS (Retired Old Men Eating Out). Yes we do have some Juliet’s that join us for coffee. No, I do not tell my hooker story. I think you know why. I tell the story of the two girls I met at the Hen House. I introduce them as Girl Friend Number 5 and Girl Friend Number 6. Ouch! Now I’m in trouble again. I have to explain to the ladies present “Don’t worry. You are still on my list.”

I was recently at a local casino. This was a church group that takes a bus and gets $10.00 to run the slot machines. I go with my best Lady. We get bored and take a free bus ride to a large discount mall. Of course the shopping is much more exciting than the slot machines. Well I lose at the mall but I win at the casino.

We are getting ready to leave and a lot for people standing outside waiting for the bus. I complained about “Every time I hear the word ‘Cute’ it cost me money. I had to buy a purse at the mall for my Lady. Then I see an old lady scowling and wagging her finger at me. “That’s what men are for. You pay.”

I’m standing in line to check out. A lady is talking to the sales lady. The sales lady ask “Did you find everything you were looking for?” The customer responds “No, I want to buy a husband. Do you know where I can find one?” Now I just have to join this conversation. I say “Oh! Oh! Am for sale.” The lady turns to me and starts her interview to see if I qualify. She ask, “Do you have a job?” I have to tell the truth so I answer “No job, but I can cook and wash dishes.” Her immediate response is “No Thanks. I don’t need a dish washer, I need money.”

Wow! Now I have learned a new opening line to talk to the ladies. Now I never get in the shortest check out line. I get behind a lady. Then I start my conversation with “Hello. You know these lines are long. But do you know I never get in the shortest line.” I wait for a response but usually never comes. So I have to tell my second line. “I aways get behind the cutest lady.” Now that line always gets the conversation going.

Well, I/m just having fun.

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